The short answer is yes, unless you take fiction for what it is-fiction. When you long for something you don't have, it can lead to dissatisfaction with what you DO have. Romantic fiction has witty, heartfelt dialogue, buckets of romantic gestures, and protagonists who have a preternatural ability to read each other's minds. It's easy to forget it is not real. This can set up unrealistic expectations both conscious and unconscious.
There are lots of reasons why relationships fall apart; all kinds of incompatibilities can doom romance. Some are trivial, but occasionally there might be something more profound at the root of an estrangement. Recently, the concept of the "frontal lobe breakup" appeared in popular culture. The idea is that the final stage of development in the executive regions of the brain-the frontal lobes-changes someone's perspective about their relationship. The onset of advanced cognitive skills in one partner creates a gap in maturity too big to bridge.
Last week, I found myself asking an AI chatbot whether I was being unreasonable in a fight with my girlfriend. Not my best friend. Not my therapist. A machine. And honestly? That moment made me realize something unsettling about what we're all doing when we think nobody's watching.
Sitting in the audience, listening to these professionals in perfect harmony, brought me back to my days in the band. I wasn't good, it was mandatory, and I played the trombone. I desperately wanted to quit. We couldn't have backpacks in school, so I walked through the halls lugging my trombone in my right hand and books under my left armpit. This made me a perfect target for a bully or two to come up behind me and smack the books out from under me.
Twenty years ago, a woman sat opposite me on a train and quoted the first line of the book I was reading to me. We talked and talked about books, architecture, family, relationships and haven't stopped since. I assumed I'd never see her again, but she gave me her number and after texting furiously for a week she invited me to stay with her, and our instant intellectual connection became an intense physical one.
Noted psychoanalyst Don Carveth wrote, "The point of analysis is to get over yourself." While we often think of therapy as a support system, which it is to an extent, it doesn't merely aid self-esteem; good therapy helps curtail pride as well. Consider the implicit demands of what people tend to complain about. We're heartbroken over disapproval, breakup, failure, and loss, some of which is obviously more objectively meaningful.
I love my fiancée so much that I proposed to her twice. It wasn't because I didn't believe my lover - who is admittedly far out of my league - the first time she said yes, nor was it my pesky perfectionism rearing its demanding head because not every detail went according to plan. Rather, certain aspects of our engagement didn't quite meet our expectations.
What do we live for if it is not to make life less difficult for each other? Since then, I have never treated my relationships the same. I struggle with depression, which can make maintaining balance in a relationship extremely difficult. But if I can say to myself at the end of the day that I have done one thing just one little thing to make his life better, then I feel as if I haven't failed the day entirely. Brandi, North Carolina
Simply put, "A minimal effort partner is a person who does the bare minimum when it comes to their relationship," Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, relationship expert for the dating app Hily told HuffPost. This is a partner who will put in little work when it comes to the relationship, neglect their partner's needs and give indications that they might not be fully invested in the relationship.
Key points Seasonal hormone shifts and holiday pressure can heighten the urge for connection in fall and winter. Many cuffing season relationships rely on comfort and proximity rather than long-term compatibility. A relationship built to last will sustain experiences outside the winter "bubble" and shared routines. Long before the internet, scientists, psychologists, and sociologists observed that seasonal changes in our hormones can influence our relationships with one another.
Attachment theory was developed by psychoanalyst and psychiatrist John Bowlby throughout the 1950s. He observed that children form an internal working model of relationships based on early attachment experiences with their primary caregiver and the latter's availability and responsiveness. Bowlby theorized that attachment behaviors are instinctual and evolved to promote the survival of infants. Disruptions in early attachments (like separation, neglect, or abuse) can make it difficult for a child to feel safe, seen, or soothed in relationships.
Just ask: 'what makes you feel most loved?' She says the answer can reveal emotional needs even long-term couples may not fully understand. 'It helps couples understand each other's love languages, what each person needs to feel special and cared for,' Nadkarni told Reader's Digest. Even highly compatible couples can differ in attachment styles and love languages, which can affect how they give and receive affection.
The most seemingly in-love famous couple on the scene these days is no doubt A$AP Rocky and Rihanna. When appearing on a podcast recently, Rocky was asked how they keep the spark alive, and he talked about making time for each other, and dating and being friends. This is an overly complicated answer as far as I'm concerned. I think the main way to stay interested in one's relationship with Rihanna is to be in a relationship with Rihanna. Just look at her.
Relationships that matter will, at some point, require two people to sit across from each other and have a hard conversation. Disappointment, hurt, boundaries, power, change, or loss-no matter how emotionally challenging the topic, they're all non-negotiable subjects that need to be discussed in relationships. In a sense, they're a part of the regular relationship curriculum that people don't talk about.
It seems that Amy is no fan of (or incapable of accessing) Occam's razor. Your story-the ostensible truth-makes at least a little more sense than the one Amy concocted, in which her husband cheated carelessly), but it is frustrating that when presented a wholly plausible story by multiple sources, Amy is opting for the one she wrote. You should consider that this might be above your pay grade.
For Love & Money is a column from Business Insider answering your relationship and money questions. This week, a reader is frustrated that his partner of nearly a decade is avoidant with financial planning. Our columnist suggests either being comfortable with separate finances or gently guiding his partner along her personal finance journey. Dear For Love & Money, My partner and I have been together for almost 10 years now.
Ever notice how some couples navigate the grocery store like a well-choreographed dance while others seem to be having entirely different shopping experiences in the same aisle? Last weekend, I watched a couple in the produce section operate with this almost telepathic efficiency - one grabbed tomatoes while the other weighed bananas, no words needed. Meanwhile, my partner and I were having our usual debate about whether we really needed three types of cheese.
If you're like most people, you'd probably pick the first guy. But here's what you can't see: The Tesla driver is drowning in debt, works 80-hour weeks at a job he hates, and hasn't had a genuine conversation with his kids in months. Meanwhile, the cyclist runs his own business, spends afternoons with his family, and sleeps peacefully every night.
There are two types of people in the world: type A and type B. Or so common wisdom says, anyway - of course, as with anything human, we're all much more complex than that. Still, sorting people into type A and type B categories can sometimes serve as useful shorthand for understanding ourselves and others. This is especially true in romantic relationships.
"It means showing up and navigating discomfort by having honest conversations, and it sometimes means choosing your partner when it's hard and doesn't feel super cozy. There's no sweeping music and no perfect lighting - just a partnership that grows stronger the more you actually do the work."
