The quiet confidence of people who stopped explaining themselves - Silicon Canals

"Every unsolicited explanation is, at its core, a small negotiation. You're not informing the other person - you're asking them to approve. And the more you explain, the more you signal that their approval is required for you to proceed. Psychologist Dr. Harriet Braiker called this the "disease to please" - a compulsive pattern where self-worth gets tangled up in other people's validation loops."

"The trap is that it works. In the short term, explaining yourself reduces social friction. People nod. They understand. The tension dissolves. But over time, you train yourself - and everyone around you - to believe that your choices require a permission slip."

Individuals who refrain from over-explaining their choices demonstrate a form of psychological maturity characterized by settled calm and confidence. Over-explanation typically stems from outsourcing legitimacy to others, creating a pattern where self-worth becomes dependent on external validation. This behavior, termed the "disease to please" by psychologist Dr. Harriet Braiker, initially reduces social friction but ultimately trains both oneself and others to believe choices require approval. While explaining oneself feels responsible and thorough, it signals that others' validation is necessary for proceeding. Conversely, those who stop unnecessary explanations communicate genuine confidence without arrogance, maintaining their sense of legitimacy independent of external approval.

Read at Silicon Canals