The quiet power of people who stopped explaining themselves - Silicon Canals

"Most people who over-explain don't do it because they're uncertain. They do it because, at some point in their history, their "no" wasn't enough. Their feelings were cross-examined. Their boundaries were treated as opening arguments in a negotiation. So they learned to build cases. To present evidence. To make their choices so airtight that no one could find a crack to pry open."

"Research on the need to belong shows that humans are wired to maintain social approval, and over-explaining is one of the quietest ways we do it. We're not just sharing our reasoning - we're asking for permission to be who we already are. The habit often starts in childhood. In families where emotions were dismissed or decisions were interrogated, children learn that a simple answer is never safe."

"When someone stops over-explaining, the people around them notice before they do. Conversations get shorter. Boundaries get cleaner. There's a new kind of stillness in how they hold their ground - not aggressive, not cold, just settled."

Over-explaining is a behavioral pattern rooted in the need for social approval and stems from early experiences where simple answers felt unsafe. People who over-explain typically learned this reflex in childhood when their emotions were dismissed or decisions were interrogated, forcing them to build defensive cases for their choices. This justification behavior persists into adulthood as a quiet mechanism to maintain belonging. When individuals stop over-explaining, a significant shift occurs—conversations become shorter, boundaries clearer, and a settled stillness emerges in how they hold their ground. This transformation reflects a move toward authenticity and self-acceptance, where individuals no longer seek permission to be themselves.

Read at Silicon Canals