Why Some People Sound Calm When They're Not

"In many collectivistic cultures, emotion is not experienced as purely personal. It is relational. Collectivistic cultures emphasise interdependence, social harmony, and the primacy of group well-being over individual autonomy. People tend to define themselves through relationships, roles, and obligations, and regulate their emotions in ways that maintain cohesion and respect within the in-group. Emotional expression is often moderated to preserve dignity, avoid burdening others, and protect relational stability."

"From a young age, people may learn-often without being explicitly told-that emotions have consequences: Strong feelings can burden others. Visible distress can disrupt harmony. Emotional expression can reflect not only on the individual but also on their family or group. As a result, regulating emotion is not optional. It is a form of social responsibility. Staying composed becomes a way to preserve dignity, protect relationships, and avoid attracting negative attention."

Calm exterior behavior in many collectivistic cultures often functions as a social practice rather than an indicator of internal ease. Interdependence and group harmony encourage emotional restraint to preserve dignity, avoid burdening others, and protect relational stability. From childhood, people learn that strong emotions can harm group cohesion or reflect on family, so emotion regulation becomes a responsibility. Sustained composure may conceal significant internal strain, vulnerability, and emotional labor. Western observers frequently interpret measured demeanor as stability, risking misreading, overlooking internal conflict, and harming relationships or therapeutic work when restraint is treated as absence of distress.

Read at Psychology Today