"I lean on them and rely on their excellent advice and strong shoulders. Our 55th wedding anniversary is several days before Christmas. Because of the type of dementia my husband has, he cannot speak or understand speech. Reading and writing skills are diminished. A celebration would be difficult to impossible for guests and family members because of his type of dementia. I thought a dinner cruise would be a wonderful compromise."
"You're not. This is a hard situation all around. But it's not impossible. What you want, it seems, is to feel supported by your kids during a painful time, and to find a way to commemorate your marriage while taking into consideration your husband's comfort. So, let's back up from logistics and work from a place of open communication. It may get you further."
"Talk to both of your kids about what you'd like to feel at Christmas. Acknowledge that everyone's lives pull them in different directions, especially at the holidays. And see if you can, together, come up with a plan. It may feel like your daughter has chosen a different branch of her family tree over yours, or broken a promise, but I'd encourage you to think of it as a logistical logjam, made up of good intentions, rather than an intentional slight."
An elderly caregiver faces worsening dementia in her husband that limits speech, comprehension, reading, and writing, making traditional anniversary celebrations impossible. The caregiver proposed a dinner cruise as a compromise, but the daughter cannot attend because of her husband's family's trip; the son can attend with his family. The caregiver feels hurt and questions whether wanting the whole family present is selfish. The recommended approach emphasizes seeking emotional support from adult children, prioritizing the husband's comfort, and using open, honest communication to co-create a feasible plan. The daughter's absence should be viewed as logistical constraints rather than a deliberate slight.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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