"I don't say this lightly, but sometimes separation is an act of salvaging. First, think about finances. He, by this account, is acting irresponsibly and not telling you about indiscretions and major decisions. It would be wise, then, to talk to your financial adviser or an attorney about separating your finances, at least temporarily. Talk to him about what his goals are in individual therapy and what your shared goals are in couples therapy."
"It's possible that he's as unclear on his motivations as you are. Unraveling that is a good place to start for him. That may not be work you can do together. You need to be able to trust the person that you're with. When broken, trust can be restored, but it takes intention, amends and change internal and external. While he's doing his work, you may find that being in a different space from him helps you to do the healing you need to do,"
A spouse discovered multiple breaches of trust including past infidelity, a recent inappropriate outing, secret cryptocurrency purchases, and an undisclosed bank account. The husband admitted to day drinking and began a harm-reduction program while both partners started individual and couples therapy. The wife considers a temporary separation to protect her finances and emotional safety. The practical advice includes consulting a financial adviser or attorney to separate finances temporarily, clarifying goals in individual and couples therapy, and recognizing that restoring trust requires intention, amends, and both internal and external change.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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