How to Have Better Holiday Conversations

"I use a simple framework I call the 5 R'srespect, relate, reframe, revise, and repeat, that I also describe in my book, Misguided. These aren't about winning a debate; they're about lowering defensiveness and creating space for mutual understanding. You also don't need to engage every time. Choose your moments, and try to know the other person's goal before diving in, whether that is validation, curiosity, certainty, or simply keeping the peace."

"Research shows that people are more likely to reflect on their views and feel satisfied with a conversation when they feel heard and validated. Avoid attacking or shaming, as it often leads to defensiveness. A new paper describes why and how empathy is also fundamental to this process. Empathy makes difficult conversations more effective because it reduces the psychological threat people feelboth to their identity and to their sense of dignitywhen they're corrected."

Apply the 5 R's—respect, relate, reframe, revise, and repeat—to reduce defensiveness and promote mutual understanding in challenging conversations. Choose when to engage and identify the other person's goal, such as validation, curiosity, certainty, or keeping the peace, before responding. Establish mutual respect and convey empathy to lessen psychological threat to identity and dignity, which increases trust and openness to accurate information. Use active listening, reflective feedback, curiosity, validation, and collaborative support instead of shaming, sarcasm, or immediate correction. Prioritize lowering defensiveness and building satisfaction with the conversation over winning a debate.

Read at www.psychologytoday.com