How to Resolve Couples' Desire Differences

"Key points In long-term relationships, conflict over sexual frequency is almost inevitable. Many widely believed myths cloud couples' feelings about this issue. A self-help approach that relies on sex-therapy insights often restores relationship harmony. This is Part 1 of a two-part series. One wants sex more often than the other. If you've been in a relationship for more than a year, it's very likely that you've struggled with this issue. In surveys, long-term couples call desire differences their top cause of sexual conflict."

"After a relationship's initial hot-and-heavy period, typically six months to a year or so, sexual urgency usually subsides. If both partners' libidos decline identically, there's no problem. But most long-term couples struggle with desire differences, which drive some people crazy. There's no sure cure. The approach developed by sex therapists usually helps. It debunks myths and advocates negotiating a compromise frequency with scheduled sex dates."

"Several common beliefs about sexual relationships impact desire differences: "Men want sex more than women." This is often true. But when couples consult sex therapists about this issue, in one-third to half of cases, the one who wants more sex is the woman. For an intimate, entertaining view of this situation, see the film Hope Springs, starring Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones."

Desire differences over sexual frequency commonly emerge after the initial hot-and-heavy phase of a relationship, typically six months to a year. If both partners' libidos decline identically, no conflict arises, but most long-term couples face mismatched desire, which surveys identify as the top cause of sexual conflict. Common myths—such as the belief that men always want sex more—compound the problem, and sexology sometimes pathologizes mismatched desire with labels that malign partners. Sex-therapy-based self-help approaches typically debunk myths and promote negotiated compromise, including scheduled sex dates, to restore harmony.

Read at Psychology Today