A wedding guest spent several thousand dollars attending a friends' small destination wedding and later learned that the couple handed out heartfelt handwritten letters at the reception that doubled as thank-you notes. The guest feels that an expensive destination gift and attendance should merit a mailed, specific thank-you card. One respondent acknowledges traditional expectations for gift-specific notes but finds being upset odd when a beautiful letter was received. Another respondent agrees, notes diminishing expectations for formal thank-you notes with age, prioritizes the hosts' effort in staging an event, and urges enjoyment of giving rather than demanding written thanks.
"Between travel, accommodation, clothing, and gifts, I spent several thousand dollars. Initially, I was happy to do it. But now I'm not so sure. At the reception, each guest received a heartfelt, handwritten letter from the couple. It was a beautiful gesture. However, I found out later that the letters were also in lieu of thank you cards. Am I wrong to feel like attending a destination wedding and giving an expensive gift should also warrant a thank you card in the mail?"
"I do understand the idea that it is traditional to be thanked by the couple in a note that specifically mentions the gift you gave, and that receiving that note can feel nice. I won't pretend like I don't get that. But to be upset about not receiving one, when you already got a beautiful letter, is odd to me."
"Yeah, I think I agree. And believe me, I was brought up by someone who very much believes in thank you notes. (Jenée, you sent me a nice one for baby presents!) But honestly, the older I get, the less I expect them. Especially if the person in question has gone through the trouble of either: throwing a lovely and thoughtful event or giving birth."
Read at Slate Magazine
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