An involuntary audible gasp upon unexpectedly encountering a person with severe facial disfigurement is a natural reflex. A brief, sincere apology indicating that the person was startled and that the reaction would have been the same for any visage at close range will reduce awkwardness and avoid drawing attention. A brief friendly smile and silence are also acceptable when immediate apology seems likely to amplify awkwardness. In a separate incident, a tenant reports that a spilled coffee traveled from a porch through the foyer and up stairs to a neighbor's door, creating a mess that required landlord attention, with the landlord reportedly unresponsive.
I was in a subway station waiting for my train, standing near a column, when a gentleman emerged from the other side of the column. I was instantly face-to-face with this man, whose face was missing most of its features, presumably as the result of some trauma. I am sorry to say I gasped. Very audibly. We continued to wait for the train, and I didn't know what to do.
GENTLE READER: That is understandable, but Miss Manners believes that you can stop now. You recognize that your reaction was involuntary, that you felt sorry, and that drawing too much attention to it would have made things worse. The correct response would have been, I'm so sorry; you startled me! suggesting that you would have had an identical reaction to any visage at equally close range.
Collection
[
|
...
]