Miss Manners: Is it unseemly to publicize how our classmates died?

"The committee would like to have a memorial table for those who have passed, including listing a cause of death next to the classmate's name. What is your take on this? Should the memorial table include just the names and maybe their age at death? In my mind, including the cause of death is not only gruesome but also detracts from the point of the party."

"I liked her very much and tried to become friends with her. Although she was chatty enough outside the house, she never invited me in, and the few times I invited her, she had other things to do. I eventually gave up and settled for the occasional brief conversation in the yard. Last year she was very sick and completely housebound. I started visiting her, and she seemed very pleased to see me and always encouraged me to return."

Classmates planning a 50-year reunion proposed a memorial table listing deceased classmates with causes of death beside names. One attendee objected, calling the inclusion of causes gruesome and distracting from the celebration. Miss Manners rejected the notion that describing deaths honors lives and questioned the graduates' judgment. A neighbor wrote that a newly moved divorced woman received many attempts at friendship but rarely invited the writer inside. The neighbor became housebound and welcomed visits, but later ceased initiating contact as she recovered. The writer felt insulted when the neighbor left for the holidays without informing her.

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