In this advice column, the writer expresses discomfort about their partner's solo trip to Hawaii where he will stay with his ex. Despite their long relationship, the partner's decision to go without consulting the writer raises concerns about trust and boundaries. The advice highlights the importance of communication and mutual agreement regarding relationships with ex-partners, suggesting the trip may signal deeper issues if not discussed appropriately. The writer's feelings are validated, emphasizing that clear conversation is essential for a healthy relationship.
If you've made it clear to your partner over the past few years that you are uncomfortable with the nature of his relationship with his ex, and then he planned this Hawaii trip without even consulting you beforehand, then yes, I would take it as a big red flag.
Many people would consider the idea of their partner traveling and spending time with an ex to be nonnegotiable and forbidden... but some people would be open to such an arrangement, so long as that decision came after a great deal of discussion.
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