"My husband and I have a great life in many ways. We are successful, have small children, and are doing well in life. My issue is that our sex life has really dwindled into an occasional treat, and I really miss it. It could be once a month now, although earlier this year it was a good three or four months where nothing happened."
"I don't have any worries that he will cheat or anything like that as everything else is so good between us. I just want us to go back to having the good times that we used to have. Intimacy is very important to me, and if I'm being really honest, I do feel really hurt that it has dropped off."
"It's never been this long before in our relationship, and we haven't been arguing or distant otherwise. How do I get things back on track between us? Dr West replies: This is such a common query; probably the most common for a lot of couples, if we were to be truly honest. We compare ourselves to others, or to the early days of the relationship, and both are fairly impossible to live up to."
The couple is successful with young children and a generally good life, but sexual activity has dropped to about once a month, with earlier stretches of three to four months without sex. The husband attributes the decline to being busy, and both partners experience fatigue that limits evening energy. The narrator has no concerns about infidelity and feels hurt because intimacy is important and the decline is unprecedented in their relationship, with no other conflict or distance. Such declines are common, and comparing current life or partners to others or to the early relationship days creates unrealistic expectations.
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