#relationship-patterns

#relationship-patterns

Through therapy and a lot of self-reflection, I've discovered that those of us who were labeled "so independent" as children often carry specific patterns into our adult relationships. And here's the uncomfortable truth: most of these patterns aren't actually serving us well.

When my parents divorced when I was twelve, I thought I'd learned what not to look for in relationships. Turns out, I'd actually created a blueprint that I kept following without even realizing it. The emotional unavailability I swore I'd never tolerate? I was actively attracted to it, mistaking that familiar feeling of trying to win someone over for genuine chemistry.

Relationship research has made it distinctively clear that most relationships don't fail because of singular, isolated, catastrophic events. More often, they disintegrate because of our patterns-the ones that once felt safe and protective, but have turned corrosive and misaligned with our relationship over time. We might keep asking ourselves, "Why do I keep ending up here?"without any good answer coming to mind, or assume that we always "attract the wrong partners."

Though sung in her typical tongue-in-cheek style, Sabrina Carpenter's new hit song 'Manchild' is revealing-and not in the way you might think. At one point, she insists that she isn't choosing these emotionally inept men-they choose her. While the song is funny and upbeat, there's something else there that's being articulated. The need for control, order, and a sense of helplessness when you find yourself with the same type of partner over and over again is something many of us can relate to.

"I want to live a life I'm not disturbed by." It was an intense session with a new client, a 30-something single mother baffled by a long and winding trail of chaotic relationships-from partners whose fingers kept sneaking back to dating apps, to outbursts of rage toward those she loved most, often triggered by something trivial. A kind, intelligent woman with gentle eyes and a warm demeanor,

In order to tell whether you have a haunting ex, ask yourself how frequently you think or talk about former significant others. Is it only when specifically prompted or relevant? Or do you tend to bring up your ex a lot? If your response to a friend or a date going to the bathroom is like "Oh, you're going to the bathroom, my ex used to go to the bathroom," then maybe, just maybe, you have a haunting ex.

Several small rugs need securing, and safety rails need to be installed in two of the showers. Two bathtubs are no longer being used because of the inability to egress without some type of assistance. There is also no handrail on the basement steps. My husband says it is no big deal to fix these issues, while I say it is a big deal that is crucial to aging in place and must be addressed immediately.

"The worst part is, I see the red flags early on, but I stay anyway because a part of me fears that if I let go, there won't be anyone else."