""In my recurring dream," Carol told me, "we're a couple. Sometimes I like him for a little while, and sometimes from the start I don't want to be with him at all. It doesn't feel like something I want or decided on my own. "The dream always ends up with him hurting me in some way. Not physically, but I'm saying to myself, 'Oh yeah. He's an *sshole,' as if I need to be reminded of it.""
"I opened our discussion by explaining how a dream that recurs over a period of years is like a favorite expression. I gave the example of the expression, "Oh, darn it": "One day, you say, 'Oh, darn it' because you spilled your coffee. Five years later, you arrive late for a concert and say, 'Oh, darn it!'" Same expression, years apart, in completely different circumstances. But in both cases, you're feeling a similar emotion."
Humans resist change and often prefer the status quo even when situations are unhealthy. Carol had a serious boyfriend, Jonathan, from 2014 to 2018 and ended the relationship; she has had a recurring dream about him since the breakup. In the dream they are a couple; sometimes she likes him, sometimes she does not, and the dream always ends with emotional hurt and a self-reminder that he is an "asshole." A recurring dream can function like a favorite expression, repeating a familiar emotional tone across different contexts. The therapeutic focus is on recent situations that trigger that feeling rather than only searching distant origins. Carol found the expression metaphor calming and began considering recent events that matched the dream's emotional pattern.
Read at Psychology Today
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