"She told me, "I just want someone who has an opening. I don't even care who at this point." Mary had been anxious for months about changing her treatment team. Her previous psychiatrist had retired, and she dreaded having to start over, retell her story, and rebuild trust. So, when one new doctor had an opening, she wanted to sign up immediately."
"Our brains hate not knowing. When something-or someone-is new, the amygdala, our brain's alarm system, lights up. It whispers, "This could go wrong. You might get hurt." To calm that alarm, we rush toward certainty. We decide fast, we label people as "perfect," "the one," or "good enough." But that certainty doesn't come from clarity-it comes from avoidance. Avoidance is the brain's trick for escaping discomfort. It says: If I commit quickly, I won't have to feel anxious anymore."
The brain seeks certainty to quiet anxiety, prompting hasty commitments that favor immediate relief over careful evaluation. Anxiety about new people or situations activates the amygdala, which signals potential danger and drives quick decisions. Choosing rapidly can feel efficient but often reflects avoidance rather than intentional selection. Pausing to "date before you marry"—for example, interviewing several providers or trying options—allows people to collect data and assess true fit. Slowing down supports decisions grounded in compatibility and long-term value alignment instead of temporary anxiety reduction.
Read at Psychology Today
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