Pain serves as our primary alarm system, designed to motivate healing and corrective action rather than requiring validation from others. Seeking validation can turn pain into suffering, amplifying the emotional experience and trapping individuals in cycles of hurt. By focusing on the need for approval, we risk overemphasizing our pain, leading to intensified suffering and a potential cycle of retaliation. This creates barriers to self-improvement and may ensnare individuals in toxic relationships where validation is least available, perpetuating emotional turmoil and dependence on an unresponsive partner.
Pain is our primary alarm system. It did not evolve to require validation; it evolved to motivate healing and corrective action.
A common way of turning pain into suffering is by perceiving that one needs validation from others.
The failure of others to validate the hurt of those who think they need validation feels like the cruelest kind of abuse.
The increasing need for validation - from those with a decreasing capacity to give it - keeps people locked in bad and abusive relationships.
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