In addressing a reader's dilemma regarding a graduation gift, Miss Manners emphasizes that gifts are voluntary and not obligatory for additional events. The reader had already given a monetary gift and questioned whether she should provide a second one after receiving a party invitation. Miss Manners advises that showing up at the party with another gift might only serve to impress the graduate's parents instead of genuinely celebrating the graduate’s accomplishments. Furthermore, she mentions that guests can sometimes follow social norms too rigidly, which can lead to excessive gifting and confusion.
Presents are voluntary. You wanted to give one to your cousin, and you did so; now decide if you want to give him a second one to impress his parents.
The don't-show-up-empty-handed mantra now rivals the don't-use-the-guest-towels one... But guests are supposed to use the guest towels, and they create problems by grabbing the family towels or going without washing.
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