"Your mother appears to be on some misguided mission to help your sister feel better about her situation, something she should realize is beyond her control. Zaria is going through something really hard, and she is going to feel how she feels about it. You're still part of the family. And following your mother's train of thought to its illogical conclusion-what is she going to do after your baby is born?"
"As for whether you should let the rest of your family know why you won't be there for the holidays this year, I guess I would just ask yourself what you expect to get out of that conversation. Are you hoping your relatives will likewise hold it against your mother? Would it make you feel any better if they did? To me, it feels like this is a conflict between you and your mother-and possibly your sister,"
The woman was told by her mother not to attend family holidays because her pregnancy might upset her sister, who has struggled to conceive for three years. The pregnant woman feels angry and excluded and chose to spend the holidays with her husband's family. The mother's attempt to shield the sister is described as misguided and beyond her control. Predicting future exclusions after the baby's birth reveals the irrationality of the decision. Before notifying extended relatives, evaluate expected outcomes and whether informing them would change family dynamics. The conflict centers on the mother and possibly the sister, so focus on boundary-setting and direct family conversations.
Read at Slate Magazine
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