"Rachel complains that Claire is "fat, stupid, and ugly and needs to be flushed down a toilet." The trouble is that my husband has come up with what I think is an inappropriate way for our daughter to be channeling her feelings. He gave her a journal and told her to write out everything she hates about Claire and why, instead of being mean to her. His logic is that we can't force Rachel to like Claire."
"Well, it's more constructive than telling her to just stop hating Claire. But it would be more constructive still to get to the bottom of this. Your husband is on to something with the "why" he asked Rachel to jot down, but she is unlikely to be able to figure this out on her own, so please don't leave a 9-year-old to her own journaling devices."
A nine-year-old expresses severe dislike toward a classmate, calling her 'fat, stupid, and ugly' and saying she 'needs to be flushed down a toilet.' The father suggested a journal for the child to list everything she hates about the classmate and explain why, reasoning that journaling allows expression when liking someone cannot be forced. The mother worries that compiling lists of hate is not constructive. Guidance says journaling is better than simply ordering the child to stop hating but should not replace parental engagement. Parents should listen, ask questions, investigate causes, and respond differently depending on whether the target harmed the child or the child was unfairly singled out.
Read at Slate Magazine
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