The quiet power of people who stopped explaining themselves - Silicon Canals

"Most of us have been trained since childhood to account for our choices. The cumulative message is: your decisions require external approval to be valid. By adulthood, this becomes an invisible reflex. We over-explain our "no." We pre-empt judgment with disclaimers. We narrate our reasoning to coworkers, friends, even strangers - not because anyone demanded it, but because silence feels dangerous."

"Psychologist Dr. Harriet Braiker identified this pattern decades ago in her work on the "disease to please," noting that chronic over-explaining is often rooted in anxiety about relational consequences - the fear that without justification, we'll be seen as cold, selfish, or uncaring. It's not about communication. It's about self-protection dressed up as politeness."

Over-explaining personal decisions stems from childhood conditioning that ties decision validity to external approval. This becomes an invisible adult reflex where people justify choices through fear of judgment, viewing silence as dangerous or aggressive. Psychologist Dr. Harriet Braiker identified this as the "disease to please," rooted in relational anxiety. People who stop over-explaining aren't performing detachment or adopting trendy indifference. Instead, they've accepted discomfort—both their own and others'—as a natural part of boundaries. This shift represents a quieter, more radical form of self-protection than the constant justification most people maintain.

Read at Silicon Canals