Therapeutic validation of emotions can provide comfort yet may prevent meaningful change when it avoids painful feelings. Emotions serve an evolutionary purpose by signaling what matters, warning of threats, and guiding fulfillment, so emotions themselves merit validation. Validation should distinguish between feelings and behaviors: emotions can and should be acknowledged, while unhelpful behaviors and maladaptive thought patterns should not be endorsed. Therapists who prioritize momentary relief over tolerating emotional pain risk keeping clients stuck in unhealthy relationships, unsatisfying jobs, or disconnected lives. Real change requires sitting with pain long enough to choose actions aligned with values.
You end your session feeling great. You were listened to, supported, and validated in all your choices. Yet week after week, nothing changes. You're still in the same unhealthy relationship, stuck at your job, and disconnected from the people who matter most. As a clinical supervisor, I often explore what makes therapy successful with my students and how we may be inadvertently keeping our clients stuck.
Validation seems like an obvious, ubiquitous feature of therapy, but it is not so straightforward. It is highly effective when done well, and detrimental when it is not. First, there is a distinction between validating emotions and validating thought patterns or behaviors. Emotions can and should be validated; unhelpful behaviors should not. Are All Emotions Valid? Some people believe not all emotions are valid. They're too loud, out of proportion, destructive, inaccurate, or mismatched to the situation.
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