Toby Ingham, along with other psychotherapists, emphasizes that the initial spark often mistaken for attraction may stem from anxiety rather than deep emotional connection. Lohani Noor suggests focusing instead on slow-growing relationships that prioritize emotional safety, shared values, and mutual commitment. Contention in relationships isn’t a negative sign; it's a natural part that fosters intimacy, according to experts like Mandy Saligari. Research points out that conflict, rather than being a threat, can actually help maintain genuine emotional bonds as opposed to superficial agreement.
People think that always agreeing is a sign of compatibility... Anger is just a feeling and shouldn't be demonised, she says. It shows what matters to you.
Research shows the physiological symptoms of nervousness (sweaty palms, a racing heart) mirror those of attraction. We can mistake intensity for intimacy and drama for depth.
Instead of seeking out the elusive spark, experts advise forgetting about chemistry and focusing on connections that grow slowly and last longer.
It's an incredibly intimate thing to argue with somebody. Otherwise, when you disagree, you have to swallow your feelings.
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