"Just the prospect of interacting with that person can be unpleasant or feel draining. There is a powerful tool that is often counterintuitive for quickly shifting your approach with such people and finding opportunities for breakthroughs. After making this shift it becomes possible to communicate effectively and in a more positive way with them. And you tend to find them much less annoying."
"For example, whenever his father-in-law's name popped up on Adam's phone, Adam got tense. The man seemed to think he was surrounded by incompetent, unintelligent, wastes of space. When something went wrong, it was always about blame. "Why would you think that's a good idea?!" was probably the question Adam heard most. Adam's wife Margot had experienced it, too. The man thought he had all the answers and loved to hear himself talk."
Many relationships include people whose behavior feels unpleasant, draining, or hostile. A counterintuitive psychological shift can quickly change one’s approach, open opportunities for breakthroughs, and make communication more positive and effective. Adam and Margot experienced persistent belittling and blame from Margot’s father, who often dismissed their competence and loved to hear himself talk. Adam felt tense whenever the man’s name appeared, and both received belittling messages by email, text, and phone. Both tried standing up for themselves and arguing, and tried ignoring the behavior, but neither approach succeeded. The persistent criticism became part of the household and work mood.
Read at Fortune
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