When your adverse experiences involve sex, it sometimes makes sense to search for a therapist who at least has some extra certification in sexuality.
One thing you can do in the meantime, though, is to work on being in the present moment in this long-term relationship with this woman.
You might gaze into her eyes. You might run down a list of features of your current life and relationship that differentiate them from that other time and partner.
Consider the times you found giving her oral to be 'fine,' and reflect on what made those experiences positive.
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