"Like so many other parents, my husband and I really struggled with our sex life after we welcomed our first child. Eighteen months later, we had our second, and things got really tough. It wasn't just that we didn't have time; it was also really hard for us to switch our mindsets from taking care of little kids to, well, taking care of each other."
"Everyone told us, "Oh, you have to get creative," or "Once you put the kids to bed, it's go-time," but neither my husband nor I worked that way. By the time we rushed through bedtime, even if we ignored other chores like laundry and dishes, I was too hyped up and touched out, and the thought of quickly banging it out on the couch just so we could say we did it gave me the ick."
"Suddenly, three years went by... and we could count on two hands the number of times we had sex. OK, so maybe we had sex more than that, but the kind of sex we wanted - where we felt connected and actually enjoyed it instead of humping against each other like teenagers - was seriously lacking. I went to a playdate with my mom group right after my oldest started kindergarten, and all of us immediately launched into a vent about our sex lives."
A mother in her 30s with two young children in the Pacific Northwest experienced a prolonged decline in sexual intimacy after the first child, which worsened following a second child eighteen months later. Time constraints and difficulty shifting mental focus from child care to partner care created persistent barriers. Conventional advice to be creative or prioritize sex after bedtime conflicted with exhaustion, overstimulation, and feeling 'touched out.' Over three years, intimate encounters became infrequent and lacked emotional connection. Attempts at lingerie, date nights, and scheduled time together produced guilt about childcare arrangements and a rushed, unsatisfying experience.
Read at Scary Mommy
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