"I have been friends with a woman for more than 20 years, who has overcome many challenges, which I admire. However, she's constantly blindsided by people. Her husband left her, and it was a huge shock. A lot of her friends disappeared at that point as they were only interested in her husband. This surprised her. She made more effort to be my friend, and must have realised more clearly what friendship was."
"Over the years since, quite a few of her friends have disappeared and she isn't sure why. Her last employer turned on her, even though she was an excellent employee, and she left without knowing what had changed. Recently we've both retired and are seeing each other more, but I am finding my role in the relationship is as the audience. I open topics of conversation and she changes them to what interests her. Politically, she has strong opinions."
A long-term friend repeatedly experiences social abandonment and professional betrayal despite resilience. Many acquaintances disappeared after major life events, leaving uncertainty about causes. The friend increased efforts to sustain connections and gained clearer appreciation of friendship. In retirement, increased contact reveals conversational imbalance: one partner opens topics while the other redirects to her interests and seeks confirmation rather than input. Attempts at gentle fact-checking and offering travel insights are dismissed. The other friend feels reduced to an audience, contemplates avoidance, and is advised to address patterns directly using a factual, nonjudgmental conflict-resolution approach.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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