In a satirical memo, new U.S. policies purportedly ban the use of paper straws and Dijon mustard while disparaging France. The Justice Department is tasked with identifying and removing policies against these items, pushing for yellow mustard's supremacy. It also humorously mandates a Yale singing group to abandon its traditional name and songs about rainbows in favor of more rugged themes. Additionally, absurdly, the article suggests a ban on anything said by the late Joseph Campbell, illustrating the ridiculousness of the policies.
It is "the Policy of the United States to end the use of paper straws." . . . [Justice] Department components shall take appropriate action to identify and eliminate any portion of policy or guidance documents designed to disfavor plastic straws.
It is the policy of the United States to end the use of Dijon mustard. Mustard is yellow and made in America and not in France.
The group will no longer sing songs about rainbows. They will sing about camping or deer hunting or dressing a deer and hanging a deer's head on a wall.
Guess what else it is now the policy of the United States to ban? Anything Joseph Campbell says. Granted, he's dead, but there are a lot of YouTube videos of him.
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