Psychology
fromPsychology Today
1 month agoWhy You Are Harder on Yourself Than Anyone Else
Accountability involves recognizing mistakes without self-blame or harsh judgment.
Praise. Universally good, right? Those of you who are fans of Alfie Kohn's (2018) work know it isn't. Praise comes with baggage. I (EB) was reminded of another downside by a young adult patient who sees praise as invalidating or dismissive of a person's experience. What about this exchange? Person: "I can't do it." Response: "Yes, you can. You are so amazing and strong."
Negative self-talk was found to have a positive impact and lead to better performance on the second round of the test. This happened possibly because it created a state of heightened attention and internal motivation. People became more alert and focused after criticizing themselves. Positive self-talk was linked to changes in brain connectivity that improved executive functions such as planning, reasoning, and decision-making. However, it also gave rise to a degree of false confidence.
These kinds of thoughts can sneak in when you're tired, overwhelmed, or having a particularly hard day. One thing goes wrong, then another, and suddenly you're not just having a bad moment, you're spiraling into a brutal internal monologue. It's the opposite of a pep talk. It's a judgment talk. And it's exhausting. That harsh inner voice doesn't make you stronger; it drains you.