One of my most profound exercises when coaching parents involves a simple but powerful reflective activity: I ask them to listen to their parents' voices. In the quiet moments of introspection, they are encouraged to recall their parents' words, tone, and emotions when speaking to them. Whether those memories are warm or challenging, this exercise often reveals deep insights into parents' parenting styles. Reflecting on the past is about more than just understanding how those voices influence the present and shape the future.
Reflecting on your parents' voices can be the first step in breaking negative cycles. Take Chaya, for example. When participating in this exercise, she vividly remembered her mother's harsh criticism whenever she made a mistake. As a child, Chaya felt inadequate and anxious, and she found herself repeating the same pattern with her daughter, Sophie. Listening to her mother's voice made Chaya acutely aware of the critical tone she had adopted.
Listening to their parents' voices helps individuals build stronger emotional bonds with their children. John, a father of two boys, initially struggled with expressing affection. His father was distant and unloving, which made John hesitant to connect emotionally with his own kids. By recalling his father's distant demeanor, John recognized the impact it had on his parenting style and made a conscious effort to become more open and expressive with his sons.
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