If you have lower self-esteem, you are more likely to think that other people see you the same way: less valuable than the person next to you. In psychiatry, we call this a projection. Just as a movie is projected onto a screen, human beings project their own thoughts and feelings onto another person's intentions and motivations, even if the other person is not thinking or feeling anything like that at all. This projection affects relationships.
Many of my patients talk about their romantic relationships. People with lower self-esteem are more afraid of being rejected and are more reluctant to even begin a relationship. Their anxiety can get so overwhelming that they don't even try, assuming that the romantic prospect will dismiss them out of hand.
It is no coincidence that I see fewer patients in healthy relationships. These are people who expect the best, reporting that their partner sees them as capable, successful, and able to manage challenge and adversity. It is wonderful to be in a relationship where one feels valued, as this reinforces positive self-esteem.
At any and every moment, one person can remind another of their value and increase their oxytocin. Small changes have big effects. An individual controls no one but influences everyone. A supportive, affirming environment can help overcome the effects of low self-esteem in relationships.
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