Think about the last time you ran into someone you hadn't seen in years, maybe a school friend. You remembered them a certain way, maybe loud, always joking, the kind of person who filled a room. But when you met again, they seemed quieter and more thoughtful than you remembered. For a second, you wondered if time had traded them out for someone else.
When my oldest son Edwin first started preschool, it was incredibly stressful. He was about 3, and it was the first time in a big classroom for him. As a sensitive, quiet child, he was very upset on the first day. He cried and clung to me, and it broke my heart to see his little hand reaching for me with tear-soaked eyes as I left him there. Needless to say, I cried too.
Humans have a strong tendency to overcorrect. Perfectionists, in particular, overcorrect by forcing themselves to become different versions of themselves, or fundamentally different people. Disdaining weakness in general, they often enter treatment to attempt to eliminate all of it. In my experience, one of the more glaring and repugnant weaknesses is people-pleasing, the tendency to go above and beyond to make others feel comfortable and/or happy.
