The article discusses the author's long struggle with anxiety and feelings of foreboding that have persisted throughout their life. Despite trying various methods including therapy, meditation, and lifestyle changes to alleviate their distress, the author continually finds themselves overwhelmed by intrusive fears and self-blame. The narrative reflects a cycle of seeking relief yet returning to anxiety as a constant companion. It highlights the emotional toll of living with such feelings and underscores the challenge of breaking this cycle to reconcile with one’s emotional state.
It's early morning, and I wake with an intense sensation of foreboding. I say wake up, but really, it's just coming fully into consciousness, as I've been semi-conscious all night. Fitfully tossing and turning, a deep anxiety gnawing at my chest.
I drag myself out of bed, exhausted as usual, meeting the day with an intense feeling of disappointment in myself. Why am I always bouncing between anxiety and panic?
That early morning six years ago was a scenario that had played out on repeat for decades. Different worries plagued me at twenty than at forty.
I'd tried lots of different things-did different types of talk therapy, changed my diet, exercised, went on retreats... But I would always return to the same cycle of anxiety.
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