#gaslighting

#gaslighting

My column about gaslighting has drawn some criticism that I want to address. Noam Schimmel argues in his letter that "gaslighting" is a correct term to use when people face "hostile claims that their reported experiences are fabricated, exaggerated or made with malicious intent." But we must always have debates about whether general claims of bigotry are exaggerated or understated, and we shouldn't presume malicious intent from anyone.

"Gaslighting" is a term that comes from the world of fiction. It's a fantasy-first a play in 1938 by British playwright Patrick Hamilton, then two movies in the early 1940s. The Victorian-era plot of Gaslight involves an evil husband trying to steal from his wife (Ingrid Bergman) by driving her crazy-dimming the gas lights and denying that anything is wrong.

"Lied on our first date. It was such a small thing. I had caught him calling me the wrong name... Turns out, he's actually a massive liar, manipulator, and gaslighter."

Not the asshole. Your husband has spent five years deliberately making your life harder in tiny ways and then lying to your face to make you think you are crazy.