I can't work up the courage to talk to any of my friends when I'm having mental health issues. It hits the worst for me usually at 4-5 am, and I never want to wake anyone up when I'm having panic attacks that late due to my intrusive thoughts, even though being around people helps. I'm in a safe place and have a therapist/medication, but it feels like I'm not getting better every time I find myself back in this situation.
My vision is fuzzy, my heart is racing and my lungs are emptying of oxygen. I've just been asked to speak in a meeting at my first graduate job on a fashion magazine. My task is simple read out the week's social media stats but I can't make it through. I cut the presentation short. I sit down, murmuring an apology, my eyes stinging with tears.
