When things happen relatively intensely, it's easy to feel out of control. And when we feel out of control, we tend to go inwards to coping mechanisms we learned long ago and a common one is to blame ourselves, because blaming ourselves is easier than raging against the world, which feels too big to harness.
It's just funny what your head can do for you. Most of everything, I think, plays out in your head. You know, I wish I told myself as a younger woman, you're a lot more capable than you think you are. But it took years to really learn that.
When I first met Rashida, she introduced herself with a disclaimer: "I'm a little intense." She said it with a grimace, as if the label left a bad taste in her mouth. I replied, "Good to know. What else should I know about you?" She told me she was a mother, a recent pickleball enthusiast, and a leader in risk and compliance at a Fortune 500 company. I thought maybe such a role demanded intensity, but I still asked, "Where does that 'intense' label come from?"
