People often ask, "How can I make my relationship better?" For some, that means improving affection, attraction, and general relationship satisfaction. For others, it means turning up desire, passion, and overall sexual satisfaction, too. Therefore, I'm always on the lookout for new research that helps people increase their loving connection and sensual chemistry-especially when the "fix" is relatively simple and easy to add to a relationship routine.
Sometimes it means trying costumes, techy toys, and increasingly kinkier scenarios - and that stuff can definitely be a lot of fun. But other times, mixing it up just means trying out a new sex position. No matter how big or how small the change, doing something new can keep your sex life from becoming boring. Because boring sex - you know, the kind where you're zoning out and thinking about what to eat for lunch tomorrow -
During penis-in-vagina sex, he usually comes within less than 30 seconds of penetration. This has been the case since our very first hookup. When he came so quickly the first time, I was surprised, but he was a "PIV virgin," so I didn't catastrophize. I assumed that with time and desensitization, he would last longer in bed. Well, he hasn't. Ten years later, he still comes within just a few thrusts, and that's when sex ends.
A previous post summarized the many myths about desire differences and the sex- therapy approach to resolving them-using either self-help or professional therapy. The sex-therapy program helps many couples-but not all. Recently, Canadian researchers reported an effective new approach, eight weeks of group therapy that produced significant benefits. It's based on reimagining lovemaking to facilitate sex worth wanting. What if Low Desire Is a Reasonable Response to Lackluster Sex?
"How often should we be having sex?" I hear this question at least once a week. From my therapy room to my circles of friends to social media. This question is out there, lingering. And like most people, I've seen countless opinions. I'm not here to offer another one or add to the confusion or pressure. Instead, I want to explain why this is the wrong question to be asking in the first place.
