At any point, any of your partners may have been thinking of someone (or even something) else to help themselves get over the edge. The idea of making someone orgasm with, to put it your way, just you is an illusion. People bring a lifetime of experience to the sex they have, including ways to help facilitate orgasm. Sex alone may not be enough to get your wife to come.
On my third date with my then-boyfriend (he's now my husband), we had sex. And like so many times before, I decided I'd fake an orgasm. But unlike so many times before, it didn't feel right. I dated a lot of men in my 20s, and faking an orgasm just felt easier and safer than telling them I had never had an orgasm with a partner before.
Most of us grew up with that familiar Irish awkwardness around sex - the blushing, the whispering, the pretending none of us have bodies or desires at all. But what happens when you meet someone who simply doesn't have that embarrassment? In this episode of Just Between Us, Jennifer Zamparelli is joined by comedian and sex-positive icon Bláthín de Burca, who talks about sex the way most Irish people talk about the weather: openly, casually, and without shame.
From the way we talk (or don't talk) about women's pleasure, to how badly the clitoris has been ignored in medical research, Alix explains why so many women struggle to climax with a partner, even when they can reach orgasm quickly on their own. They talk about widening our idea of what "sex" actually is, moving away from just penetration as the main event and towards a much richer definition of intimacy, touch and pleasure.
Some women can't orgasm at all, or only with a very specific and sustained effort. Others lose interest or are sore after one or two. Still more, as you describe your current partner, can have several or even dozens of orgasms. Some of those women find that each successive orgasm is more intense than the last-having several orgasms is part of reaching satisfaction, and may be part of how they reach "quality."
We have had phone sex and cam sex, and have exchanged lots of sexy pictures, texts, and videos. We have explored topics such as dominance and submission, and we talk about fantasies that might not be to most people's taste. We have gotten to a point where he can make me orgasm without me touching myself. And we have lots of common interests beyond sex and connect on those topics.
My girlfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. When we were living together, we would have sex maybe once every six to eight weeks, which was frequent for me and infrequent for her due to different sex drives. Now that we're apart, and I only see her once every couple of months, something she used to do sometimes is now something she does almost every time I see her.
Sex with my wife seems so fraught these days. There's so much baggage. It has to be scheduled. OK, fine. I came on to her last night, but she said, "No, wait until tomorrow when it's scheduled." Then, when the scheduled time arrived, she said she couldn't do it because she had a work call. She also said she doesn't want to do it, but she will do it later to make me happy. That (not enthusiastically consenting sex) doesn't make me happy.
During penis-in-vagina sex, he usually comes within less than 30 seconds of penetration. This has been the case since our very first hookup. When he came so quickly the first time, I was surprised, but he was a "PIV virgin," so I didn't catastrophize. I assumed that with time and desensitization, he would last longer in bed. Well, he hasn't. Ten years later, he still comes within just a few thrusts, and that's when sex ends.
My husband and I (both men in our early 30s) got married very quickly for a variety of reasons. This included but was not limited to: our careers, pissing off his homophobic brother by staging an elaborate proposal at his event, and playing emotional chicken with each other to see if either of us would back down. We didn't, and all of a sudden, I had a husband I had only known for six months. I thought, straight people do it all the time, how hard can it be?
