For most of my life, I have carried an invisible companion: a harsh inner voice that sounds like mine and tells me, over and over, that I am not enough. It's so oppressive that people close to me have often said they'd never met anyone so hard on themselves. Over decades of listening to that voice, I let it convince me that no achievement was ever sufficient.
We all struggle with self-doubt at times. Maybe it shows up as a nagging voice that says you're not good enough, or as a harsher self- bully. And it can especially be a problem for highly sensitive people who tend to turn against themselves. But these messages of inadequacy don't have to control your life. By bringing mindful attention to your inner thoughts and feelings, you can begin to open more fully to your struggles, ultimately nurturing greater self-understanding, self-empathy, and self-compassion.
When I was a young, inexperienced fighter pilot, I lived with this constant fear that I didn't belong and wasn't good enough. I'd walk into a briefing room and feel like everyone else had it together. Meanwhile, I was hyperaware of everything I said and did as I tried to live up to my idea of what the perfect fighter pilot was.
An anxious achiever is someone who channels anxiety into ambition, work ethic, productivity, and leadership. Along the way, they've learned that performance equals value. Many people tell me, "When I achieved, I was loved. I learned that's what I should do-and the fear of losing keeps me moving forward." Others say, "I grew up poor, with a single mom who struggled and a dad who didn't pay the bills. I'll never be that vulnerable again." For them, the anxiety of scarcity drives their determination.
