These individuals might well harbor what psychologists call dark personality traits: psychopathy, narcissism, Machiavellianism, and sadism. People with dark personalities are callous, manipulative, and antagonistic. They violate rules, lie and cheat, hurt others, and pursue their own interests heedless of the consequences on others.
What the show captures so well is the price we're willing to pay to stay comfortable, especially inside relationships that feel like oxygen. The college campus, where most of the show's drama plays out, is a particular kind of pressure cooker. In a certain small world, with certain people, during a certain window of time, the need to make things work can override almost everything else.
Have you ever walked away from an argument feeling like the bad guy, even though something didn't feel quite right? Like you were somehow wrong for bringing up your concerns in the first place? I've been there; that sinking feeling in your stomach when someone turns your legitimate complaint into evidence of your own shortcomings. You start questioning yourself: Maybe I am too sensitive. Maybe I am asking for too much. Maybe the problem really is me.
A common misconception is that people who remain in toxic or abusive relationships are weak, dependent, or oblivious to the harm. In reality, many people who struggle to break free from relationships that are no longer working are intelligent, capable, high-functioning, and empathic. They see the dysfunction clearly and can even articulate what is wrong, and yet they struggle to leave, get frustrated with themselves, and do not understand why that is.
It started young for me. I didn't really have anyone to talk with. My father was a sulky, silent brute and I couldn't risk getting yelled at or hit by speaking up. My mother preferred not to hear about turmoil and always told me to think happy thoughts, even as my older sister urged me to image the worst so that whatever did happen to me wouldn't be as bad as I imagined.
My father agreed initially, then said he was too busy (he's retired) and refused to go. He then cut me off and announced to the family that he was disowning me. My sister believes his story that I cut him off. Since she was never treated poorly, she doesn't believe that I was. How can I continue my relationship with her, while she remains close with him?
"I went no-contact with my dad. He had always been emotionally manipulative, especially after my parents divorced when I was 9. But the last straw was when it was Christmas Break during my senior year of high school. I was supposed to spend Christmas with him, but I did not want to spend it with him. He then proceeded to CALL THE COPS ON ME. A 17-year-old."
It's never too early to learn that while it's good to think compassionately about what's happening to others, ultimately they own their behaviour and you own yours.
It's okay to let go of those who couldn't love you. Those who didn't know how to. Those who failed to even try. It's okay to outgrow them, because that means you filled the empty space in you with self-love instead.
One viral post, with almost five million views, shows someone scrolling through their ex-partner's unopened Snapchat messages from other women. "At least I was pinned," the TikToker joked in the caption.
